dilatingtime

If the clinically depressed robot Marvin blogged, this would be it.

Long expected return

It’s been a long while since I’ve been on this blog. I have been busy over at tumblr.  Microblogging at tumblr isn’t such a schlepp. Though, I can be more serious here on wordpress. With the added advantage that not a lot of people  knows about this blog. That way I can, without fear of upsetting or offending people I know, say what I want. Although, that seems redundant. What’s the use in making my opinion and thoughts known, if I just bleat it about unbeknowst. It’s obvious I lack courage. It’s also blatantly clear in my relationship with my father (or rather the lack thereof). But I digress…

The reason I’m writing here on wordpress, is that the desire to write has caught hold of me again.

So, hello Unknown Internet Reader, if you have read on thus far, I applaud you. Who knows maybe in the years to come I will become a famous writer and then You can say,

” You know, I read her blog in the 2010’s, when nobody knew her.”

Then people would stammer, and gape at you with brimming jealousy and chide themselves for their ill luck.

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Social Activism

My new (actually, maybe not so new. It’s been coming for a while) take on the way society dictates our lives. I refuse to feel inferior because I don’t fit into the idea of what I should look like according to Society. It’s ridiculous. I am the one who has to live my life.

The ‘World of Ideas’ refers to Socrates and Plato’s Theory of Forms.

Sorry for the F-bomb there at the end. But it thought it was necessary. AND , I drew this, so hands off.

Pity Party

Okay,  just a heads up, this will most likely be the sort of post that will resemble a rant or maybe a pity party.

Nothing has changed. My old friends, disappointment and loneliness is back. My current feelings isn’t about the friend I wrote about the other day. This is just about some guy I may or may not like. I’m very confused.

I’m disappointed by the fact that nothing has changed. It’s my fault actually, my hopes, wishes and dreams have resulted in my misery.

Maybe I should just stop hoping. Because hope only makes everything worse in the end. If I don’t expect anything, I won’t ever be disappointed.

So, I will dabble in cynicism for a while and see how that works for me.  Farewell, Erika, the Romantic.

If only to be as innocent as a child again.

Colorblind by chemicalsunflower on deviantart.com

The Wisdom of Terry Pratchett

For this entry I will first enter two very wise things the Author Terry Pratchett said;

An education was a bit like a communicable sexual
disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to
pass it on.

And;

It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was
bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was
anyone’s fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I’m one of Us. I
must be. I’ve certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever
thinks of themselves as one of Them. We’re always one of Us. It’s Them that do
the bad things.

These two quotations come out of his books Hogfather and Jingo, respectively, and they illustrate why Terry Pratchett is a brilliant author. He is funny,a philosopher, economist, social and political critic and has managed to write about above mentioned things in young adult/ children books. I wish I started reading his work earlier – it would have greatly added to my character development.

Now, the point about those two quotations is – first, there is always someone who has said something better than you ever will. Secondly I want to talk about education and people’s habit of not accepting responsibility.

I am now in my second year of studies at the University of Pretoria. Now, after the customary 12 years at school and one and a half-year of tertiary education – it’s only recently that I have felt I have actually learned something. It’s only recently that I have developed a consciousness of the world and myself. It’s only recently that I have felt the stirrings of enlightenment but in the same breath I have realised how very little I do know. It’s actually outrageous that it has happened so late. To make it even worse – a lot of people do not ever experience it. They are in Plato’s cave and see only the shadows against the wall. They trudge through life with this ignorant arrogance.

With this then, comes the duty of  trying your utmost to be a positive thing in this world and to take responsibility for your actions.

Photo of the day, Careful where you stand by Paintmewet on deviantart.com

The war machine called Capitalism and Consumarism

I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I think I may have finally found a real friend. One that will last. This person and I have known each other for more than a year. And our friendship grew gradually. I think it’s a good sign. I’ve been in a few friendships where we are inseparable at first (not unlike the honeymoon period) but then it just falls flat.

I really hope that this time it will turn out to be a true friend. I think most people can relate, you have tonnes of friends but not really a best friend. Like in the true sense of the word. Not the watered down, cheap BFF the media tries and sell us. It’s ridiculous by the way – how the media dictates our lives. I’m developing a strong  anti-media, celebrity culture and -conformity..thing. Conformity and capitalism the two walk hand in hand. If I ever get to do my doctoral thesis or something I would like to do it on that. The effects the media has on society in terms of economy, psychology, philosophy, politics etc. Maybe individualism is dying out. I hope not ,there are so few in any case.

The vice of my generation

Lately I’ve thought a lot about the emotion of shame: Synonyms :mortification/ compunction/degradation/humiliation/disconcert/contrition/irritation

–noun

1.the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another: She was overcome with shame.

2.susceptibility to this feeling: to be without shame.

3.disgrace; ignominy: His actions brought shame upon his parents.

In short, it’s a horrible feeling. It’s definitely in my top 3 worst emotions. When I was a teenager I was constantly feeling ashamed about something. My parents where usually the source of it – so I guess that’s normal.

Nietzsche said the most humane thing to do is to spare someone shame. In Biblical times, and even now in some cultures and religions,  Honour is very high esteemed. If you have a good name, then you have a good position in the community. If not, you are ostracized. So, the expression to defend your honour ,takes on a more serious meaning.

I watched Easy A  a few days ago and it actually surprised me! It raised a few questions, I think. Must we conform, blend in and be part of the group? Or should we shun ‘mainstream’ and be outcasts? Though the movie may have focused a bit more on the need of my generation to be cool, to be part of the group. Instead of recognizing individualism.

The movie also illustrated the negative side of social media. The speed with which we can share information is astounding. That makes us careless with what we actually share. It cheapens information.

 

 

 

Interesting Times

“Every girl likes to be crossed in love now and again”…Mr. Bennett in Pride Prejudice said. What a load of crap.  It’s awful being inlove, especially if the second party is totally oblivious. I’m not the kinda girl who’ll go to a guy and say,

” Oh, hi…uhm…I luuuuurve you.”

I’m the kind who will rot into eternity waiting. A little dramatic, but it’s pretty accurate.

Oh, well..Here’s my image of the day.

Call of Cthulhu by ‘fantasio http://fantasio.deviantart.com/

Weekend at the folks

I’m back home for the first time since January. I haven’t posted stuff here because it uses too much internet cap. My parents have more cap so I’m going to exploit it. Though this will probably be one of few sporadic posts. I don’t go home a lot. This visit to my parents is really much-needed. It’s been a challenge living with my sister. I just need to spend time with other people.

The point of this blog today (yes! there is a point) is about music and movies. My friend gave me a documentary series about music – a BBC show called The 7 ages of rock. It was amazing. I learned so much. As I’m typing this I have multiple windows open about various rock bands ,trying to get even more information on them. I’m afraid this has started another frenzy. The documentary just focused on American and British bands though. But I guess that’s where it all started. I think I have new insight in Today’s music because I now know its history. The concept goes for anything. If you want to understand anything; clothes, people, movies, media, people, countries and just about everything else ,  you  look at their past…Though, are people only the product of their past?

I have also seen a lot of good movies lately. Black Swan, The Kings Speech, Fight Club, Snatch and lastly Amelie. Which will be my favourite movie untill I see something better.

These are stills from the movie.

School experiences never fade away

I remember this one time at school  I had maths first thing in the morning. I was about 11 or 12. I remember on that particular day we were writing a test. Let me just say maths really isn’t my strong point. Anyways, the teacher was handing out the tests – the class tables were arranged in groups of six, for a moment or two chatter erupts, but it dies down when the teacher gives the customary ‘shout’. That day, my table partner and I kept on communicating with smiles, looks, and barely audible whispers about something trivial. Just then my math teacher swooped down,  scooped up my test paper before I could even finish writing my name and tore it apart. She then went on to say that I am a thief for “copying” and I will get zero for the test.

I was shocked, my class looked at me with big eyes. I started sobbing quietly while the others went on with the test. I just sat there.

That day scarred me.

Time Travel

I’m back in Pretoria and I’m happy about it. I went on first years camp as a senior – which was fun. I met up with a lot of friends and made a few new ones. In that regard I think the camp was, personally, for me – a success. For some it’s not a very high or good standard to measure something with…but in my case it is. What I fear most in relationships/ friendships is rejection. Rejection is bitter and evolves into shame. I have difficulty opening up to people, so if I’m rejected in some way it just…escelates. The funny thing is people wouldn’t even know whether I’m sad/hurt/rejected because I wouldn’t tell anyone.

One night at the camp there was dancing and nobody asked me to dance. Okay, I did arrive a few days late at the camp and there weren’t enough boys for all the girls. But I felt bitter and I kept remembering stuff that happened that still hurts me. I know it’s silly. It’s just stupid dancing, if I really wanted to dance I could just have asked someone. But I felt as if there’s something wrong with me.

Then I had primary school de ja vu. My girl friends where all prettier than me. And nobody chose me and I was all alone . Suddenly I was a 12 year girl again and I wanted to  run away and cry. So I headed for the nearest exit, moped for 5 minutes and went back.

 

Margot Fonteyn and Rudolph Nureyev.